Author: Joe

  • The Sticky

    The Sticky

    Maple syrup is one of those products I just assumed sprang into existence fully formed. Like mangos. Or boulders. But there are apparently farmers who tap trees with spigots to collect the stuff.

    Ruth Landry is a Quebec maple syrup farmer. She is struggling pay the bills and care for her comatose husband. Then the association that regulates the syrup trade revokes her license on a technicality.

    The owner, Leonard Gauthier, wants to force Ruth out of business and buy her land on the cheap. He makes her an insultingly low offer. Ruth responds by hurling a 30-foot maple tree through the association’s front door. Leonard thinks it is a good idea to keep hounding her.

    As my father used to say: Never underestimate a woman willing to throw timber at you. Odds are good she ain’t screwing around.

    Ruth hatches a scheme to rip off the association’s million-dollar maple syrup surplus with the help of Remy Bouchard, the only security guard at the association’s warehouse, and Mike Byrne, a disgraced mobster with poor impulse control.

    The relationship between the three is set up well, building enough sympathy to make you care about the characters when they start breaking bad and making poor decisions. As with most crime comedies, the plot zigs and zags in unexpected ways. Nothing goes according to plan and eventually our crew is in hot water with the police, the mob, and the association.

    The Sticky is a lot of fun. It’s clearly going for a Fargo vibe, especially with their “This is not based on a true story” title card at the beginning of each episode. But it’s missing the distinctive style and well-defined side characters that make Fargo such a singular viewing experience.

    A larger problem is the finale, which left me wondering if there were still more episodes waiting to drop. It felt abrupt–less like a season-end cliffhanger and more like the next chapter of your book is 12 months away. It’ll also be a huge bummer if the show isn’t picked up for future seasons. I think a smidge more resolution would’ve countered this.

    Still, those are pretty minor complaints about a fun, well-crafted crime story. Recommended.

  • Happy Howlidays

    Happy Howlidays

    Guy meets girl. Girl hates guy. But girl must spend time with guy so she can write a blog about their dogs falling in love.

    Welcome to Hallmark movie land, where blandly attractive people with no chemistry stand next to each other in furnished model homes. It’s a winning formula.

    In Happy Howlidays, Mia Park writes a blog for the Seattle Tourism Board. She sleeps in a bed full of potato chips. Her parents want her to move back to Miami, but she pretends to be too busy with work to even talk to them. She also doesn’t like Christmas for some reason.

    On her way home from work, she rescues a dog stuck in a fence, then is bewildered when the pup follows her home. She feeds him some noodles, heads upstairs to bed, then wakes up to find him tearing apart her pillows. She charges downstairs and lands in a puddle of urine.

    “There’s only room for one hot mess around here!” she says, still standing in the pee.

    She tries to dump the dog at Puptown, an animal shelter run by Max Covington — a name that has never existed outside a Danielle Steel novel. Max won’t allow it, but his own mopey mutt takes a shine to Mia’s troublemaker.

    Mia ends up posting a video of the two dogs on the Tourist Board website. Her boss demands more of this scintillating content. “Our site traffic is up 25 percent!” Mia has no choice but to spend more time with Max. Will love blossom? Will Mia find common ground with her parents? Will the shelter find funding to stay open another year? Will someone vacuum Mia’s bed?

    Full disclosure: I don’t really “get” Hallmark movies. My brother Daniel loves them, especially around the holidays. He was the one who insisted we watch this.

    To my untrained eye, the thing that makes a Hallmark movie work is the right amount of sweetness and camp. If you get the balance right, you can overlook the wooden acting, the bland sets, and the lapses in internal logic. “It’s just a Hallmark movie,” people shrug.

    Happy Howlidays is a Hallmark movie. It’s also terrible. There’s no craft or artistry to it. It’s a dumb meet-cute between two unlikable characters that drags on for an hour and a half. The plot is predictable and full of dumb cliches. Even the dogs are an afterthought that exist to bring the characters together and nothing more.

    They do repeat the dog pee gag a few times, though. So if that’s your idea of comedy, then buckle up.

  • Dragons of Etchinstone

    Dragons of Etchinstone

    I wonder if Joe Klipfel owns a table.

    His game design philosophy seems to be: I like this game, but can I play it while standing in line at the deli?

    In Dragons of Etchinstone, a solitaire game designed by Klipfel, you hold a deck of cards in your left hand, representing your draw pile and a set of challenges. Then you play cards from your right hand to defeat them.

    Or, if you’re like me, you set everything on a table. I don’t trust myself. I’m clumsy. All it takes is one fumble and the game is ruined. With a table, I’m fine until I knock the table over or burn the house down.

    Speaking of fire, you play as a wizard adventureman—sorry, an “Ether Mage”—on a quest to kill a dragon. The dragons have occupied strongholds in the four corners of Valorfall and need to be stopped before the peasants learn how to file insurance claims.

    On each turn, you draw four cards. These represent your skills, abilities, and magical spells. The top card of the draw deck tells you what obstacle you face this round. This will either be Combat or a Journey. Both are handled about the same.

    You play three cards to overcome a challenge. Each card fulfills a different mechanical role and activates different elements on the card. Figuring out which cards work best in each role is the central logic puzzle of the game.

    The first card is the Leader. There are two actions listed in the center of each card. One is basic and can be used without restriction. The other has a colored background and only activates if it is “infused” by the second card, the Element. Infusing only works if the color of the Element card matches the background of the action.

    The Element also determines your initiative. This is important in combat. If you don’t beat the initiative, you run the risk of taking damage before the fight even begins.

    Your third card is the Booster. This gives you bonus points that can be spent either to increase the action value on your Leader card, or to bump up your initiative.

    The fourth unplayed card usually remains in your hand into the next round.

    As you can see, Dragons dives headfirst into gamey abstraction. This is the point where most games lose me. I’m a narrativist. My enjoyment of a game derives from how well it tells a story. If the mechanics of play are too abstracted from the action of the unfolding story, I struggle with it. In Horrified—another game I love despite some narrative nonsense—isn’t it odd that you might go into battle with Dracula wield a fire poker, a canopic jar, and a kite? Maybe the crossbar reminds Vlad of a cross.

    In Dragons, I guess we’re to assume that the cards symbolize us weaving an arcane spell together? It’s a little thin. There’s a delicious Netrunner-esque retheme lurking in the back of my head that I think would be way better. But the core gameplay loop is so engrossing that I don’t care.

    If you overcome the challenge, or reduce the challenge’s value by half, then you earn experience points. You spend these to upgrade your cards. Each card is divided in half and there are alternate front and back sides. This gives each card four possible permutations. Deciding which to upgrade is a cornerstone of your strategy. But so is knowing which cards to downgrade.

    See, your cards also act as your health in combat. Each has a shield value on it that can absorb a set amount of damage. If the card takes a hit, then it gets downgraded one level. Reducing a card below level 1 means it is removed from the game. Ouch. Each card can only be downgraded once per encounter. So, if all four cards have 2 Armor and you take 9 damage, then you’re going to have a bad time.

    During Journey encounters, you don’t have to worry about soaking damage. Instead, you suffer time penalties. This means taking cards off the draw pile and discarding them. When the deck runs out, you move into the next region and face off against even tougher obstacles. Complete the fourth region and you head into the final battle with the dragon.

    There’s a ton of nuance here—especially when you consider that the entire game is just 18 cards. Eighteen! And I’ve only just scratched the surface. There are also different colored armors, which absorb and protect against different damages; fusing cards together to form a wildcard color at the cost of depleting your deck faster; ways of dealing double boosts during journeys, icons that add one-time modifiers to your encounter, and more.

    There’s a lot to the game. Which leads to my one real negative opinion: Dragons of Etchinstone is simple to play, but hard to learn. I read the rulebook a few times and could not grok how it all fit together. I bounced off it like a Nerf dart on a Sherman tank. There were too many terms and icons and numbers and mechanics. Looking at the cards was no help. They look like if J. R. R. Tolkien wrote math flash cards. They are impossible to decipher without guidance.

    I almost gave up on the game until I remembered we live in a world of Let’s Play videos. A few of these under my belt, everything became clear. I think it’s a game you really need to see in action to understand. Or maybe that’s just my hangup.

    Regardless, Dragons of Etchinstone is a wonderful little puzzle. It’s a solid piece of design that provides a wonderful dollop of brain friction. I can’t recommend it enough. Why not go down to the deli RIGHT NOW, stand in line, and give it a play.

    I’m sure no one will look at you strangely.